we're goin to be 22 in a month.

doesn't that depress you?

it sure as hell makes me wanna kill myself.

cherdie is back! and i love cherdie!

and ivan and arun are back (again)!

haha! ok that's all.

photos soon i promise!

actually, if i knew how to type and post chinese characters, i would post chinese song lyrics cos theyre so much more.. i dunno romantic.

and as much as some ang mo boys are cute, i'm a fan of chinese boys through and through. haha. :D

despite the tonnes of fun i had tonight (again!) i feel abit sick. abit sad. abit misunderstood. abit lonely. abit angsty. abit like crying.

fuck. i'm such an emo-spaz when i'm drunk.

i'm sure it's not the fact that i need a guy, or someone in my life to tie me down. but i really wouldn't mind someone to listen to me whine and hold me and tell me everything will be fine when dawn comes again. and it will be, fine.

it would be nice.

i think its the new jay chou album. mushy chinese songs make me want to get attached.

plus someone to turn to when everything else gets too chaotic. like it is now. it's fun, but messy and complicated. abit too complicated.

i don't think i believe in love anymore. what's the use of believing in love when basically, in a relationship, love cannot be the single ingredient that holds things together? and what's the use of believing in something that is simply not sufficient? and what's the point of loving someone when it is the circumstances that dictate how things will turn out?

i understand sluts now. it's no longer a derogatory term to me. because i can see where they are coming from.

you're only faithful to the ones you love. and if there is no love, then fleeting pleasure is surely enough?

but this nocturnal lifestyle, not to mention unhealthy diet of fast food, instant noodles and alcohol is killing me. i can't bear to look at myself in the mirror! my skin's soooo bad! boohoo.

would post photos, but jamie tang in her drunken stupor deleted all of them by accident.

i'm just really lost. maybe, by the time you get back, you'll be nice again and we can be friends. like, real friends. anything more seems less than a remote possibility. it's great to live with nothing to lose, flitting from person to person like the butterfly you are.

but if you have nothing to lose, doesn't that mean you have nothing?

i will miss you. i have been missing you since things became askew.

haha, i just read this off some site and thought it was sweet.

to be obsessed with a person, sounds real scary, but darkly romantic too doesn't it? i wonder how it feels, to be obsessed with someone.

i want a boyfriend who's obsessed with me too. but for a short time i suppose, since it'll be stifling.

you know, i always found the image of being suffocated to death by someone you love very romantic. imagine pink and black satin divans with lace and frills, silk curtains that drape over. it's the perfect setting.

sigh.

look what i found on hel-looks.



they're only 13! ahh, i miss being in love.